


If Not Today, Tomorrow

by nivo



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Complicated Relationships, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-15 22:05:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8074372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nivo/pseuds/nivo
Summary: Hoseok and Kihyun are not dating. It's nothing as simple as that.





	

“He's like, you know, like one of those little moles you didn't know you had?” Hoseok explains to Hyungwon, when he's about two beers away from faceplanting onto their table and not moving until he's strongly advised to by the staff before closing. “Like suddenly you just notice it's _there_ , and once you do, you don't even understand how you could have overlooked it for so long, and then you keep looking at it and, like, wondering if it's new, or maybe it's a freckle, or maybe you're dying of skin cancer.”

Hyungwon blinks at him slowly over the rim of his glass in that placid, skeptical way he does.

“So Kihyun is like skin cancer to you. And I guess I am now expected to keep this gem to myself.”

“No, you don't _get it_ ,” Hoseok whines. “He's not like skin cancer, he's– he's _everything_.”

“Well,” Hyungwon says, and even as far gone as Hoseok is, he can tell Hyungwon's rapidly losing interest in the conversation. (Hoseok can't really blame him; the topic is nothing new.) “I still think you should just fuck. Get it over with. You're practically dating as it is, but without the orgasms. Seems pretty stupid, don't you think?”

It _is_ pretty stupid, though not in the way Hyungwon – _everyone_ – seems to think.

Hoseok and Kihyun are not dating. It's nothing as simple as that.

Hoseok and Kihyun:

  * study together in the library;
  * share meals;
  * watch movies;
  * go shopping;
  * clean Hoseok's apartment (mostly just Kihyun);
  * work out (mostly just Hoseok);
  * talk late into the night (in hushed whispers for no apparent reason other than to try to soften the blows, because some secrets are harsh enough without yelling them out for all the world to hear.)



Hoseok and Kihyun do all of these things and then some, but what they don't do is date.

“I'm sorry, I can't,” Kihyun told him once.

Just once; just that.

“I know,” Hoseok said, because he did. “It's okay,” he added, even though it hurt.

It still does.

They part before Chuseok with a hug; with Hoseok whispering, “If you need me, if you want to come over to our place instead–” and Kihyun cutting him off with a too-hard pat on the back, a brilliant (fake) smile firmly in place by the time he pulls away, out of Hoseok's reluctant arms.

“You need to chillax, huh? We're not in some shitty drama, it'll be fine.”

(He's always telling Hoseok to relax, to calm down, to chill. To not be so dramatic. That it wasn't – isn't – that big of a deal and, “Geez, are you actually _crying_? Hey, don't do that.”)

It's just a couple of days, and they text. Call once, even, and Kihyun sounds simultaneously alien and perfectly normal.

He still has that stupid, perfect smile when he comes back to school; like some grotesque approximation of the real deal scrawled on his face in permanent marker that takes time and a lot of dedicated scrubbing to fade.

Hoseok is nothing if not dedicated.

They:

  * do homework for their music theory course;
  * burn a pizza while watching a B horror movie Hoseok sure as hell doesn't choose;
  * go grocery shopping;
  * go to one of Hyungwon's dance things with an obnoxiously large bouquet of flowers which costs the two of them more than they can strictly afford, but the horrified look on Hyungwon's face is worth every won.



They do all of these things while they diligently avoid talking about Chuseok, and over the week, Hoseok watches that terrible smile slide off Kihyun's face, the tension seep out of his shoulders.

And Hoseok is glad. He's so glad when life goes on as usual, he can almost ignore the pang of disappointment in his chest every time Kihyun stands up from their table at the library, or Hoseok's couch, and says, “Well, I guess I should get going.”

 _Stay_ , he wants to say, _I would allow you to go wherever you wanted, I would not own you, I would not hold you too tight_.

Hoseok wants to tell him to stay, but he knows it would be pointless. Kihyun wouldn't. If anything, he would just stay _away_ instead. Barricade himself in his room with the fragile, still-new freedom of living away from home – away from the people who raised him to be this twisted amalgamation of affection and distrust – clutched close to his chest.

And if there's anything in the world Hoseok doesn't want – couldn't _stand_ – it would be that.


End file.
